Lol. This reminds me of Dwermer armour from Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.
How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
by Thor Harris1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
2-If you fart, claim it.
3-Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
8-Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
13- Driver picks the music.
14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
17-Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?
18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
19-Fast food is Poison.
20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
21- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris
Number 21 is brilliant and a great reminder to us all no matter what we do to occupy our lives.
(via madfrancis)
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.
I wish I would’ve known this a week ago… Because then I would’ve had something to say to the girl I could’ve sworn was “Em”, from the serial killer blog, that ended up not being her according to the batista calling out her name at starbucks. That would’ve been hilarious.
(Source: aru, via mariemalicious)
“Henry Ford would probably roll in his grave if he could see his cars nowadays.” -Grandma Lorraine.
(via harletstarlet)
How ‘bout these cookies, sugar?
(Source: tamburina, via thehuitzilinpill)
I ain’t even gonna lie; I reblogged this with Whatsuperpoweristhis in mind. :)
(Source: thedoorsofrevolution, via to-hell-with-heaven)
10:47 AM on Mon, May 13, 2013:
“Last night during GamaThrones the kings slayer saved the tall lesbian from being fucked by a bear. I bet she wants ta hump dat stump now!”
(https://twitter.com/cedricbixler_/status/334002007528583169)
